Restraint.

I nearly wrote this title as ‘Embarrassment’ but I was too ashamed to use the word. Possibly ’embarrassment’ is the correct term. When I write on here I try to say something rational about some kinds of occult experience. I try to bracket the experience something like a la Husserl. I end up with the phenomena as ambiguous. This is often the character of the occult experience: an ambiguity shifted one way or the other by a cultural interpretation. The more modern shift conceals it, the older models allow these experiences to hold ontological sway. We live in the illusion that the modern concealment is the removal, but it is precisely the point, my point, that you can’t remove it. Whether there ever ever was anything like an actual magickal relation in the world it matters not one jot because the world is always capable of creating the manifestation of one. Here is the relation to one of my other arms: manifestationism, something I will write more on soon.

But what do I want to say here? I’m not sure anymore. I feel slightly wretched as a sitter on the fence. Magick demands a decision (will) yet philosophy here demands rationality. If I give purely into a Magickal ontology I lose all ability to reflect upon it and I cannot substantiate my beliefs without some ill conceived reference to quantum physics that I do not properly understand anyway. When we try to say why for these phenomena we are lost. Sometimes here I sound like I am saying ‘why’, but this ‘why’ is the minimal ‘why’ that says heuristically if any of these phenomena obtain then an informational substance must be interacting with a putative ‘out there’. This is its disclosure.

The embarrassment comes partially in becoming misunderstood (as if I am advocating this as true (but of course part of me is, that part that sat marvelling at the sea of synchronicitous phenomena that unfolded, that was so overwhelmed by them that it found it unbelievable that the converse, that the solid world obtained), but also the extreme implications of this kind of world view have been made almost nauseating to articulate -thanks to the new age movement.

I want to say that the world equally looks like the unfolding of quasi-solipsistic tunnels as much as it looks like a giant spatio-temporal container. That the covering over of this perception is something monstrous, that we do not need quantum physical speculations to allow ourselves this manifestation, it is there built into our experience. There is a passage somewhere in Ross Heaven book where he says he was able to stand on the water until someone told him he couldn’t. Sounds ridiculous, it is ridiculous, if he earnestly believes this we could say he suffers from false-memory syndrome. Except, that nagging ‘what if…’ that things have been so badly comprehended (the embarrassment of writing weighs on my words here) that down some variant this actually obtains. The new age movement have soiled almost beyond use the notion that the scientific thinking is restraining the phenomena, yet I must find a way to speak this, for this is also the manifestation. Ontological doubt generates phantasy (and now I am comfortable in this language once more).

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