Darkness 1.2

Doubt and darkness have an entwined status. Doubt comes from two. Dark and light are two, both are equally primordial and thus both are as much two as they are one. Dark and light both disclose. One gives rise to the quest for certainty and discloses beings, one withdraws being[s] and in a sense discloses Being.

I stand in the dark with the dog, through holly arch it is very dark, at least here I am in the light of the house. Moving away from the house the darkness increases, it feels oppressively dark tonight, darker than usual. If I indulge slightly in those kinds of thoughts I can imagine all sorts of fearful nebulous notions in the darkness. Are they nebulous? Is it the fear of the dead? The sudden appearance of an apparition strikes me as fearful. I have no rational grounds for supposing I will have such an encounter yet it remains a possibility for me to somehow entertain it. Where can I find solace from such an idea? Rationality can do nothing to deny such a happening for I might have a fear based psychotic occurrence and perceive something in the dark very vividly. Was it there? Yes? Was it real? As the interpretation of madness was only an interpretation in the first place there is no ground to make an absolute assertion either way regarding the status of any such apparition.

I retreat inside having avoided the darker recesses of the garden. I fumble with the door and the key falls out the lock. Something chimes in my mind in this incident. Something suggests that this falling out is in itself symbolic. It is symbolic of the insecurity of the house. The darkness outside, the boundary unsecure. What is happening? Nothing in a way but my mind could be a hair’s breadth from treating this more seriously.

Later on I must go down stairs again. I must go to the cold attached outhouse. I retrieve what I must. But… on the way back towards the stairs I walk towards the front door, but the front door is moving what is happening? The front door is opening. Blind terror: the darkness, the key, the door is opening. I run towards it and slam it in fear of what was trying to come in.

How should I sensibly interpret these events? When events disclose themselves in a sequence like this they make a powerful expression. Of course the door might be loose and the wind blew it. In conjunction with the other events and an openness to see things under this auspice another world opens up and when we seek to say it is wrong, we find we have nothing by which we can do so…

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